Monday, April 22, 2013


Amazement occurs when
walking in
into another life, into a dream

World shaking love can happen
at the drop of a pin
just by walking in
into another life, into a dream

Overreaching fear can take you
as quick as sin
just by walking in
into another life, into a dream

Choosing to walk in
Choosing risks
by not holding it all in
Allowing hearts to open

Risking all or risking none
by walking out
out of another life, out of the dream

Go out into the rain
Go out into the sun
Walk out, take another risk
Walking out, can be like walking in

Take a chance on dreams
even when all is lost
take your risks
don't be afraid
the unknown is just that
unknown, until you walk
and then you know.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Moving April 18 2013

It's the year of 3's and 9's
and I am moving every day this week
picking up things I forgot I owned
and taking them to a new home

In between I caught a cold
and found time for friends
while I drove the mile
back and forth, with carloads
of my life.

I worried about my children
I celebrated my new couch
I cleaned my new kitchen
I feel new, and yet, I am
finding all the old treasures

Moving is so exhausting
but so cleansing and
so right for me now
So I will wash and play
and celebrate and sleep on a floor

until the moving is done,
then it's time to start a new life
and embark on the new road
to a happy life full
of laughter

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Autism Awareness, April 2, 2013

I got up today
less enthusiastic
about the fact
that it's world autism awareness day

So what? I thought
I am aware of it every single day
My little boy,
the most special guy I know

He is a face of autism
I watch him struggle
to be understood
to live in a world
that is not suited to his
operating system.

I watch him smile
because his sister teases him
I watch him laugh
for no reason at all

I wish to get inside him
to know what is going on in there
I wish to give him the
body of love
that I feel when I look at him

I know that he will be with me
for the rest of my life,
so I do what I must
to prepare us both
for the long road

I try to give him
what all mothers hope for
a love of life
despite all the struggling
to find his way
in this disagreeable world.

I hope that one day
he will be able to
tell me all about
his experience of life.

But for now
I will just love him
and care for him
and keep him safe
from those who don't know
who he is.
Just a regular boy
with a different operating system.

Which just makes me,
Like all mothers
raising their precious children.

My boy! May life always
be happy for you
May you continue to
have the best people in your life
keep you safe
and love you
when I'm gone.

He is Autism
He is beauty
He is perfect
He is my baby boy
He is Eli

Broken Glass. March 29 2013

My mother collected pretty things
Jewelry, Plates, villages of wood
Holiday things and cat things
She liked to surround herself with
memories and beauty

Many times I felt like
I did not belong among
the collections
I wasn't a pretty thing
to be treasured and displayed

Rather I was a reminder
of things that went wrong,
things she didn't want to recall

today I am packing to move
to a home that is all mine,
never shared with my past
I am excited, I am packing
the few pretty things I have

Suddenly, a goblet shattered
the play of emotions in my breast
the sadness, the initial panic
the feeling that my mother
would be disappointed in me yet again

I felt like a child
I broke love
and made my mother
find yet another reason
to turn away from

the one thing in her life
that wasn't a displayable
object of beauty.

Me, I am a broken glass, and I need the glue of love.